A survival guide for teens
Divorce & Crisis:
Divorce rates all around the globe are on the rise, in fact , according to Department of Statistics, the figures reached an all-time high last year. Experts cite many reasons for this . Some feel it has to do with the fast pace of life and increased expectations that make living a pressure cooker nowadays .Others suggest it is the increasing individualism that causing families to break up.
As life as you know has changed. This can cause a range of feelings. Some feel lost , experience anger and resentment. Many feel guilt.
Interestingly, studies have shown that while some children from divorceed families may not do well in school or life, the majority of them adjust and go on to have successful careers and marriages themselves.What are some things you can do as a child of divorce to ensure that you fall into the second category of people-those who do well and succeed despite the hiccup in their lives. The following are some suggestions on coping strategies that psychologists and counselors have made:
Accept the reality:
There are many things in life we cannot control- the weather , our physical characteristics, and so on. The fact that our parents have resolved to split up may one of them. While we want to allow their break up to shatter our own lives, or we can determine that we’ll pick up the pieces and more on. The choice is really up to us.
Don’t Blame:
Children of divorce often play the blaming game . Some blame themselves , others blame their siblings, many blame other people , while some blame their parents . Blaming is an unproductive act .Whether the blamed party is truly guilty or not, the reality of the situation is not likely to change. In any case , life is completely right and the other completely wrong . The faster we put blameing behind us, the quicker we can move on.
Give Yourself Time:
You are likely to face some feelings of anger , resentment, fear and insecurity as your family circumstances change. Understand that these feelings are normal , and give yourself time to heal . In the meantime , refrain from doing or saying hurtful things to your parents. There are not likely to improve the situation . In fact , they would most likely deteriorate the situation. Remember this is also difficult time for your parents and siblings. One sign of our maturity is our ability to be supportive despite our own hurt and anger.
Keep in Touch:
As Muslim , we are obligated to preserve the parent –child relationship and show respect to both our parents . Remember that while your parents can dissolve their link with you. Even if they move away or start new families, try to maintain the link by keeping in touch a simple matter of pressing a few buttons- whether by telephone , email, or sms. In many cases, it is the psychological barrier that has to be overcome , not the technological one!
Discuss Your Family Future:
Divorce often brings about changes in the family situation. Money issues , living arrangements, school and custody matters are matters that have to be dealt with. Be prepared for change- you might have to make adjustments in your personal habits . For example , you might have cut down on your personal habits. For example you might have to cut down on your personal spending if your family’s financial situation will change because of the divorce . Knowledge about the changing circumstances might help you cope with it.
Focus on the Positive:
Although it would seem impossible at first, think positive. There might be fewer quarrels and fights at home. Your parents might become happier people after the strained relationship is resolved. Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said. "What doesn’t kill us makes us strong." Be determined that this test of life will make us stronger , better and more resilient.
Seek Help:
If you are feeling overwhelmed and/ or are experiencing symptoms of stress such as sleep problems and inability to concentrate on your schoolwork, seek help . You can speak to an older adult you know or trust.
That person should be someone who is able to give you a different perspective and provide you with some coping skills . Today , there is a trained school counselor in all national schools and private schools. Make an appointment and see the assigned to your school.
Understand You’re Not Alone:
You might want to speak to teens that have undergone the same situation you are going through , and they have survived. If you have friend who had a similar experience , speak to him/ her family broke up. Find out what they had done to cope . You might be able to pick up some survival tips. Especially during any heightened family drama—holidays, graduation, vacation—teenagers need access to their friends. In essence, you need to debrief with your friends after any and all emotionally laden events. Expect this kind of retreat to friends. In fact, plan on it and, by all means, do not take these sorts of behaviors personally.
Pray a family break-up is a painful , heartbreaking experience for anyone to go through . As Muslims, never tire asking Allah for help .Ask Him to give you a and family the strength and patience to deal with the situation , for guidance on the right actions . Ask that He gives you peace in your hearts and mind , and that family will be blessed – that this hardship will become the catalyst that will make you a better person and Muslim, InsyaAllah.
Muslim identity:
- Holds strongly to Islamic principles while adapting itself to a changing context.
- Appreciates Islamic civilization and history, and has good understanding of contemporary issues.
- Progressive practices Islam beyond forms/ rituals and rides the modernization wave.
- Appreciates other civilizations and it self-confident to interact and learn from other communities.
- Be blessing to all and promotes universal principles and values.
- Morally and spiritually strong to be on top of the challenges of modern society.
- Well adjusted as contributing members of multi-religious society and secular state (for those who reside in secular country.).
- Believes that good Muslims are also good citizens.
- Inclusive and practices pluralism, without contradicting Islam.
"A Muslim is not afflicted by hardship, sickness, sadness, worry, harm, or depression—even if pricked by a thorn—but Allah expiates his sins because of that" (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
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